Well , today is the day . Is everyone worked up ? I recognise I am . Before we send the top essay , we adjudicate to send a few of our preferent essay which did n’t quite make the last cutting off but were deserving sharing .
These essay are particular . They are special because the indicate a distinct and speedy decline in the English language . They are also in particular virulent and odd and remind us that the center of homo is a dark and twisted place . Without further stir …
refer
Last Day – Essay Contest Re : Grandma , Gadgets , etc .
https://gizmodo.com/last-day-essay-contest-re-grandma-gadgets-etc-114940
Jackrabbix writes :
I believe that thehuman lavation machineis the contrivance I would most care to give my grandma . There are several reasons why I ’m sure that this would be the perfect technical school - toy for her . Firstly , she has all sorts of handles and strange apparatus in her shower . She goes so far as to have a seat in there , so she does n’t have to put up while she gets clean . I know that she often has dizzy spells , and these things are for certain needed for her to wash her elderly self . How great it would be for her to have one of these next to ‘ her chairwoman ’ … She could literally wrap to the side , off of her chair , and into the cleaning machine ! No more hazardous walks to the bathroom for her ! second , she does not seem to be very good at showering in the first billet . I opine that sitting to take a rain shower ca n’t be very effective for bugger off the soil out of … um … Well nevermind about that anyway , I ’ll just re - iterate that she could sure practice one .
Tom writes :
I would give my gramma a pair of Oakley Thump . The thump on Gramma wouldst be the Bomb . Grammas have it away big sunglasses and Buicks . Buicks and Thumpin ’ and Jive .
They had no clunk in her day , and practiced they did not — or the Grammas would be a - Thumpin ’ . Oh , male child , would they be a - Thumpin ’ .
They ’d be Thumpin ’ in their Buicks and in their Lincolns . They ’d be Thumpin ’ in the granger markets and in Church . They would Thump in the bathroom , and pound when they stair off into blank space and suck on their dentures while they thump in their shades .
My Gramma , she wouldst Thump .
Dave writes :
As I was browsing through your site , I noticed the essay contest that ’s
currently underway . While I would like a jibe at a Pocket Candy , and
the celebrity and resplendence that winning a Gizmodo essay contest entail ,
I unluckily have no living grandmothers .
In the spirit of adequate opportunity , I get to thinking . How about a robotic
Grandma ? A working eubstance to survive on in her position would be just the thing to
commemorate my grandmother ’s memory . So the question becomes , just
how will I “ Pimp My Robotic Grandma ” ?
I ’d have to start with the Repliee - way body , though I ’d have to make it
Caucasian to forfend any clumsy situations with my friends . A
respectable Robogranny would need Bluetooth and WiFi , as well as a PC
lodge somewhere in her automatonlike innards .
Of of course , no robotlike ancestor would be complete without a
bling - blinging LCD , so I ’d require a 24″ Aquos to be lodged somewhere
in her miserable back area .
Robogranny is just as forgetful as veridical Granny , so I ’d probably demand a TiVo
in there too .
Now come the veridical hard decisions . One eye could serve as a video camera
while the other could be a digital projector . But what to do with the weapon ?
I imagine one arm would require an plant keyboard while the other could have
a trackpad black eye . Any leftover quad could be dedicate to a biometric
surety organization ; after all , this is MY Robogranny , you ’ll have to build your
own . ( observe : check that you have no keep nan BEFORE building
Robogranny . I do n’t think they ’d take well to fulfill their automatic
opposite number . )
So there ’s my Robogranny . Oh , and of course of instruction , it would have to be capable to
breakdance . A man ’s got ta have standards .
John write :
I ’ve learned that grandmothers are procedural when it come to engineering science , not conceptual . If a doojigger has sufficient complexness then there will be time when her process break down . This will ensue in a ( rotary pulse rate dial ) phone call to the supplier of the deviate widget ( POTAG ) .
During that speech sound call the gran will resist to entertain the whimsy of learning the Way of the gizmo and rather will only be concerned in getting over the present hurdle . This is a fact of life desirable of some speculation . regrettably , it shall always take at least three hours on the phone to extradite an good custom procedure to a granny exasperate by a thingumajig ( GEBAG ):
“ I am get across on it ! ”
“ Ok , look down at the computer mouse . You are chatter on the left button , correct ? ”
“ Oh , my digit slue over to the middle clitoris . ”
Postulate : The widget most interesting to most grandmother is the personal computing machine , and this widget is also one of the hardest to operate from a strictly procedural image .
I choose the personal computer as my favorite gadget for grandma , and offer ( hopefully with a shade more originality ) that say computer should be configure with a dependable remote desktop service of process so that the POTAG can “ just do it for her . ” This may involve some networking tricks , and take care not to give easy accress to a reprobate , but once configured the endless telephone conversations will be a thing of the past :
“ Ok you quondam GEBAG , ill-treat away from the keyboard . I ’ll fix your print waiting line . ”
“ give thanks you sonny ! ! Cookies are in the post ! ”
“ Here The POTAG , have a trophy ! ”
“ What ? ”
AChinn write :
Oh , my poor Grannie . She ’s been through a lot : two World Wars , Vietnam and the Cola Price Wars , and yet she never lost her unflinching good sense of ego … until recently .
It ’s gotten to that point where Grannie just ca n’t operate like she used to ,
and it seems to mystify and distract her . She lacks the physical dexterity to
falsify or clean , and forget about driving a car . She passably much is now
restrain to her cramp , three thousand square foot Beverly Hills flat .
Poor love .
I ’d really like to help her regain that sense of freedom and mobility . That
room she could resume some of the matronly functions that she felt kick in her
use : illegal street racing , bear baiting , skysurfing and the like .
So when you necessitate what gadget I would get for Grannie , it became so very
clear . What she needs is thatAlaskan mecha !
Imagine the horse sense of exemption Grannie would experience stomp down the
freeway , crushing Priuses ( Is that the correct plural ? Is it Priuces ? Prii ? )
like peanut shell .
Yes , with that mecha Grannie would regain some of her long - lost
functionality . Instead of swear on Domino ’s delivery for dinner , one scene
from the arm - mount flamethrowers and prisoner of war : Instant squawk flamb . And stove
flamb , and counter flamb …
Sure , Grannie still mean a “ computer ” is a job you involve 4 years of
postgrad to get . And for sure , she has n’t driven an automobile since the days of
dodging trolley car . But what is n’t there to like about a 40 - invertebrate foot tall ,
sinister - looking panoplied shell ? She has been nervous about national security
in these clip of heightened cognizance . I was just choke to get her a
flashlight and some canned solid food , but this would be much better !
So there it is , in a nutshell . Grannie just has n’t been herself the last few
year . I just have intercourse that her purport would be rekindle if she became the
pilot film of a railway car - crushing , terrorism - fighting , apartment - exploding mecha . And
if not , well , it would at least make for some expert TV .
https://gizmodo.com/ebay-of-the-day-40k-mecha-112425
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