Today — after about three class of editorial service — is my last prescribed daylight with io9 .
Rather than wax florid and whirl a rickety , sappy analogy concerning Frederik Pohl ’s Heechee Saga — as I ab initio planned — I will instead use the cast of Aliens to spin around an even ricketier , sappier doctrine of analogy as a encomium to my coworkers and you .
● Annalee Newitz , you are Ripley . Your unbounded exuberance and leadership beat me into this racket , just as your zeal for flamethrowers kept me in line .
● Charlie Jane Anders , you are Hicks . You are io9 ’s rocksteady ceaseless , fend strong when the rest of the staff gets Cristal - spritzed in hydrosulphuric acid and starts grip . ( You also share Hicks ’ penchant for Funkadelic , as expounded upon in Aliens ’ deleted view . )
● Meredith Woerner , you are Hudson . You are blithesome , loud , and willing to skip over on grenades . I am lucky to be your friend . ( PS : I am Vasquez for the intention of this doctrine of analogy . )
● Robert Gonzalez , you are Bishop , because you are a scarily competent , stick out - up dude with tzatziki sauce flow through your nervure .
● Alasdair Wilkins and Keith Veronese , you are collectively Apone , as he kicked the pail early in the movie and we did n’t hang nearly enough . Still , your respective stores of Doctor Who audio tape cognition and granola BAR kept me sane and not utter during Comic - Con . You both deserve tuxedos made of fancy medals .
● Lauren Davis , you are the surprise invitee appearing of Carl Weathers from Predator , as Carl Weathers make everything immediately more interesting .
● George Dvorsky , Esther Inglis - Arkell , Garrison Dean , Josh Wimmer , Hank Hu , and Stephanie Fox , you are all not Paul Reiser . Working with you was a pleasure , regardless of the net gulf between us .
● Nick Denton , you are James Cameron , as you are a magnanimous commander who but expatriate his staff to bathyscaphes when they misbehave .
● Lux Alptraum , Kyle Wagner , Tommy Craggs , Dodai Stewart , Erin McGill , Kaila Hale - Stern , Brian Moylan , Julia Schweizer , Megan Gilbert , Rose Annis , Stephen Totilo , Chris Person , and Matt Hardigree , you are some of the people , past and present , who made Gawker Media a lovely blank space to work . ( Somebody can also call dibs on Newt if they desire . )
● And finally , the commenters . Without you , I would just be a shut - in proselytise nonsense to the mailman instead of lob it into the world wide æther . You may simply be an detailed hoax orchestrated by the Kree Supreme Intelligence , but I can go with that . To LightningLouie , 99TelepodProblems , Braak , Ruthless , Kaelath , Eridani , Celia , Yankton , Gods - N - Clods , and ManchuCandidate , and numberless others — you are the motherfucking great power loader of this operation .
Should you choose to delight in future vowel - and - harmonic combinations by yours truly , see my mostly neglectedTwitter account , this TumblrI started a week ago , andCracked , where I ’ll joining up as senior editor . give thanks you for study .
See you at the Gathering ,
C.
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