The G.I. Joe novelization is out , bringing a description of the Mission inconceivable - style Joes and their hyper - tech world where nano - mite can do everything , the Baroness is Canadian and Neo - Vipers do things that make me frown . Spoilers ( and newfangled posters ) ahead .
The G.I. Joe : The Rise of Cobra film novelisation , by Max Allan Collins , is come out , andone fan at General ’s Joeswas lucky enough to snag an former copy ( at Target no less ) . We rounded up the most significant spoilers and reveals , which we can generally accept will be in the movie , as these books are usually a translation of the script itself .
First up everything is shiny and new . We endure in an international Earth after all . No more dingy Vietnam War - esque Joes : these Joes are from around the world , which explain why Heavy Duty is British , Cover Girl is Czech , Breaker is Moroccan and the Pit is in Egypt . And since it ’s fix in a hype modern “ We Are The populace ” hereafter , that mean more room for gadgetry , says the lover reader :
It has a bunch of sci - fi gadgets in it like holograph , accelerator suits , jetpacks , invisibility suits , pulse rifles , nano - hint , mental capacity downloading , robotic “ undercover agent Pisces ” , head control , and laser .
That ’s a luck of technical school stuff , but more on the nano - mites afterward …
So what was good about GI Joe ? Not surprisingly , the fan loved Destro , who is being play by Christopher Eccleston , so get ’s go onward and sham that this part is in the bag . Destro and MARS are the bighearted scoundrel , and COBRA only shows up at the end , to make it seem more forbidding and awesome . And instead of the Cobra Commander , we get a young character , Rex aka the Doctor , who is described in the novel as “ Lord Byron as mad scientist . ” ( ? ? ? ) . He eventually becomes the Commander , and at the ending of the book , the Commander sticks it to McCullen aka Destro , turn him into the villain we all get it on and bang .
The reader goes on to describe General Hawk as “ pretty awe-inspiring , ” which is how I would picture him , I pretend . But just how awe-inspiring is he ? Star Wars Prequels “ awesome ” ? Because that ’s how nervous I am right now about this film .
Other good thing ? In the book ( and in all probability in the script ) , the Joes poke sport at their throttle suits calling them , “ hi - tech football pads or Japanese robots , ” and this was probably written BEFORE they saw the CG repulsion that are these courtship on screen . So the movie - Divine set up out to make them take care like hell on earth ? This kind of self - awareness is not a good affair .
The book is purportedly rife with a few sad pun and spoilt jokes . Like Marlon Wayans talking about “ kung - fu grip . ” The Joes regularly abuse “ Yo Joe ! ” and in one tantrum , “ Go Joe ! ” But this is an action picture after all , and those moments are really important , so I do n’t see that as a negative . They take a firm stand that the pattern shift Zartan is to be taken seriously — and he actually takes the place of a big character in the end , thus setting up an even bighearted role for him in the sequel . We ’re venture it has something to do with the next adult reveal … which is the end of a “ code name ” Joe during the big activity sequence at The Pit . ( seemingly it ’s someone who will only get one action form . )
There are four big action sequences : a convoy onrush at the start of the picture show , an attack on The Pit , the Paris chronological sequence with the nano - tinge attacking the Eiffel Tower , and the final battle at the subaquatic MARS adroitness . )
Now for the really unfit , according to the limited review . The Nano - mites , which you ’ve learn eating up the Eiffel Tower in past drone can do anything , “ mind ascendancy , eating metal , shapchanging , Destro ’s mask , super soldier , you name it … they can do it ! ” Which sound like the world ’s laziest writing puppet ever .
Also my beloved foot - soldier Neo - Vipers are all a crew of senseless drone that can apparently DISSOLVE ? No , that ’s just not okay . I can understand just make them golem - y naught , but giving them the power to fade away ? Yechh , no .
This really sounds like a jumble of forged with tripping helpings of goodness on the side . Let ’s hope Joseph Gordon - Levitt and Eccleston can pull in it off , because it sound like there is a mess go on .
Gb Joe The Rise of Cobra will be in theaters August 7th .
G.I. Joe
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