When you buy through links on our site , we may earn an affiliate commission . Here ’s how it works .
Whether your partner left you to do the dishes again or your skinny protagonist made an insensitive comment at a party , confronting a loved one about their disconcerting behavior is difficult . Rather than risking potential conflict , it can sometimes feel easier to trust on the " silent treatment " : become aloof , give shortsighted replies or even turn down to acknowledge the other person .
But does the silent treatment piece of work ?
The answer reckon on your end . If you ’re just trying to pass on that you ’re upset — and do n’t care about producing meaningful change in the human relationship — then yes , say Paul Schrodt , an expert in communicating and conflict at Texas Christian University . " Oftentimes , the silent treatment will get the other mortal ’s attention , " Schrodt told Live Science . " Most partners or family member will notice when they ’re being give way the moth-eaten shoulder . "
Related : Why do people ghost ?
But beyond contract the recipient ’s tending , the silent treatment is more likely to develop frustration than change , said Christine Rittenour , an expert in family communicating at West Virginia University . " The receiver has all these unanswered questions , " Rittenour state Live Science . They ’re leave behind wondering what ’s haywire and what they did to cause it .
Even when the recipient does do to extrapolate what they did to upset their do it one , the soundless discourse fail to fix underlying problems in relationship — and , oftentimes , just create more of them , Schrodt say . Sure , your collaborator might wash the dishes the survey night , your friend might apologize — " but at what expense ? " Schrodt said .
When it becomes a pattern , the silent treatment can be detrimental to the mental health of both parties , Rittenour said . Rittenour and a squad of researcher studied parents and their adult children . Their results , published in theJournal of Family Communicationin 2017 , found that the people who used the silent treatment against their parents more often had lower self - regard than those who engaged in more direct communication strategies . Conversely , the citizenry who reported that their parent often used the silent treatment were less slaked with that parent and had lower feelings of control within the relationship . Another team of researchers , in a study published in the journalCommunication Research Reportsin 2009 , found that in romantic relationships , partner who used the dumb discourse more often were less committed to their human relationship .
" When you use the unsounded treatment , you really do start the risk of the other person feeling so negatively about it , that they deplumate away from the relationship , " Rittenour said .
— How exact is the Myers - Briggs personality test ?
— Does subliminal messaging really piece of work ?
— Why do people have different personality ?
Rather than get out your Quaker , partner or kinsperson member wondering what they did wrong , it ’s much hefty to address problems head word - on — even if it result in fight , Rittenour said . Openly addressing conflict — without electronegative behaviors , like yelling or correct the other someone — can in reality grow stronger relationships , Rittenour said . Behaviors that workplace let in listen , collaborate to solve problem and working to accept rifts that just wo n’t go off . But first , you have to allow that something ’s wrong , Rittenour add .
In the heat of the consequence , warm communicating can find impossible . At these times , it ’s all right to step away from the struggle and cool down , Rittenour said . She suggest using set phrase like " I ’m afraid I ’ll say the amiss affair properly now because I ’m really upset , " or " I need some meter aside to believe about this . " So , what ’s the difference between this type of secrecy and the unhealthful kind ? communicating .
" That ’s a much more good way to both preserve yourself and keep you from harming this other person , " Rittenour order .
Originally published onLive Science .
