A girlfriend with dubious motives . A frightened social networker . A lonely neighbor with an optic on his WiFi . Some of you are genuine shipwreck ! Luckily , so are we . Let ’s commiserate .
Dear Giz —
For the first few month of our relationship , my girlfriend never wanted to stay over . Then , all of a sudden , she started sleeping here every Nox . We do the normal twosome thing — deplete dinner party , learn goggle box , log Z’s together — and I just consider we had decide into a nice groove . Then , a duo nights ago , we were out with Quaker , and it came up that she had recently canceled her cable — mighty around the meter she started coming over ! Is she just using me for my cable television service ? ?
Please help ,
Set Top Boxed - In
Dear Set Top —
You sound like a actual catch — what char would n’t want to spend the dark with a dude so sure of himself ? You ’re belike right . She ’s credibly only into you for your cable . Or possibly she ’s siphoning change out of that jounce on your toilet table ? Are you certain she has n’t peeked at your social security number ? Is this a good communication channel ? waitress — did you get a line that ? Can we be certain she ’s not reading this right now ?
Snap out of it , man ! Or , really , get used to it . If you had HBO and a hot bath , she ’d be sending you phonecam grab of engagement rings . canonic fact of life : people enter into relationships with people who have material they don’t — this applies all the way down the line , from your trunk part to your boom corner . If anything , look at yourself golden enough to have something to grab her tending so you are n’t up at 2 am take in Death Wish IV in bed on TBS by yourself . Not that , y’know , we have any experience with that .
Next , we have another paranoid personality disorder on our hands :
LIke everyone else who sound to college in the past few years , my facebook page is littered with picture of me and my champion performing questionable activities while drunk . Well , now I ’m utilize for business . Is there any way to completely fix my visibility so that recruiters wo n’t see it ?
truly ,
Afraid I ’m Zucked
near Zucked —
First off , why are you disturbed corporate recruiters are go to see your visibility ? Either you ’re accepting their supporter requests — in which case , wow , you are a dumbass — or you were friend with them in the first position . Which mean your collegial exploits are n’t as cool as you think .
But if you had actual , real , nerveless ( read : puking a lot , walking around library sans pants ) friend , then you should have nothing to worry about . check into it out : Just apply for cool job . Ones where you get to wear sunglasses indoors , and yell at people , and open beer feeding bottle with your teeth . What do you think that kind of employer is go to want to see on Facebook ? You playing memoranda niff ? Funneling Vitamin water system ? Bros FTPing bros ? They ’re going to want effort — and not the one you expose in the depository library ’s firewall . So embrace your hijinks . Do n’t just send in your survey , attach that photo of you putting eyeliner on the keg .
Or , if the actuarial arts are predict your name that hard , Photoshop is your unexampled FB friend : character “ Bono Africa ” into Google Image Search , paste your nous on top of his , and replace all your Facebook motion-picture show with these stone . Then begin updating your status every five proceedings with random thoughts about Objective C. Not only will this push the poppycock about how drunk you are off your wall , but all your nerveless buddies will unfriend you . Voila : You ’re State Farm ’s hire of the C .
Also judge making a fake LinkedIn visibility — how do you consider we contract our jobs here at Gizmodo ?
Finally , and maybe to pay off for the destine family relationship up top , we have a reader who may be on the scepter of reliable love . Or a restraining order .
I just moved into a novel metropolis , and have n’t really made any friends . I ’m recently individual , and candidly kind of lonely . Anyway , while I was set up my wireless , I point out one of the available net was “ QT UPSTAIRS . ” I do n’t want to be creepy , but I figure there must be someone kind of flirty up there — how do I break the ice ?
WPA - hole
costly WPA - pickle —
Well ! You ’re certainly creepy-crawly . And while the thought of you sitting alone , in your yet - to - be - unpacked apartment , urgently glance over nearby WiFi networks for companionship , is enough to make us at Giz HQ join hands and jump off off the ceiling , we do feel for you . Just , valet , you sound really creepy . But we ’ll get through this together .
First of all , this vocalize more like the starting time of a 48 hour murder whodunit than a first date . But if you ’re willing to risk the chance of ending up ball - gagged and duct taped to the wall while “ QT Upstairs ” resets your firmware , perchance you ’ll really make a supporter . We ’d recommend making up a new “ how we met tale ” for the parents , but the potential is there .
Wait , who are we kidding . This is definitely a hooker . So go on a higher floor , wad of cash in hand , and remember to be good — this voice like one access point that ai n’t exactly protected .
If you have a question that only Gizmodo can answer , well , that sucks . But at least you may netmail us:[email protected ] . We ’ll plow three questions every Wednesday .
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