Why the hell would I scuba ? It ’s dark down there . And stale . And I ’m allergic to the Bends . I ’d rather float along the surface with these seven luxurious snorkeling tools thankyouverymuch .
Sure I could move a small skiff out to the dive web site like schmuck or I could bring the political party with me aboard a 45 - invertebrate foot Azimut yacht . It has a top speeding of 32 knot thanks to its dual 480hp Cummins engines . With the “ leisurely direction ” choice enable , the Flybridge will automatically aline the rotation stop number of its twin prop which allows for more nimble course correction and tying up is simplified by incorporating a joystick dominance and automatically adjusting the locomotive engine index to accommodate for wind and sea conditions . It sleeps 12 guests . $ Expensive
I go snorkel to see the pretty Pisces the Fishes , not the interior of my mask . The Fusion does away with the traditional skeleton shape entirely , instead use a beveled and bonded durable polycarbonate out edge , that provides a huge bird’s-eye viewing area . Also useful for keep the infant oil out of your eyes when motor - boat . $ 65

pelagic Ultra - Dry schnorchel
Mmmmm , saltwater , nom . Yeah , no thanks . The Oceanic Ultra - Dry Snorkel is the only one on the food market that is a truly 100 percent teetotal snorkel — one that does n’t call for clearing the tube of brine before ventilation . It uses a patented self - regularise valve which observe the deviation between the weighting of water and air , mechanically close as soon as I dip beneath the waves . $ 60
Oceanic Vortex V-16 Full Foot Dive Fins

My feet were built for walking so when I swim with the Pisces the Fishes , I ’m going to swim like the fishes . The Vortex V-16 mix high-pitched - performance materials with an innovative center - rent pentad conception that make them up to 30 % dissipated and more effective than regular fins . $ 200
It ’s a personal submersed fomite that will tow my lazy vision - figure fucking around at 200 feet / minute and as deep as 400 feet . I ’m going to paint mine likeBullet Bill .
If I want to stay under for longer than I can contain my breathing place , I might as well hire a submarine to tool around in , right ? The Necker Nymph , which reside on Sir Richard Branson ’s luxury catamaran , the Necker Belle , is an heart-to-heart - cabin three - seater sub . It dives down to a deepness of 30 m , has a top submerged speed of 6 knots , and can remain submerged for up to two hours . $ 2,500 / day

Aquatica AD7000 Underwater Housing for Nikon D7000
Since the Nikon D7000 as a safe diving operation rating of more or less zero feet , it ’ll need to be urine - proof before I go all Jacques Cousteau up in this cunt . The AD7000 Underwater Housing is designed specifically to protect the camera from ocean water system while still allow full use of the camera ’s features through a serial of external knobs and buttons . It ’s machined from a hearty block of aluminum and anodized to military specification , secure to 300 feet . If water does somehow get in , the moisture alarm will flash both audibly and visually to alert me . It ’s even got a hydrophone if I want to capture some video of whale song . $ 2,690
This should be looping , non - give up , for the duration of the outing .

Top art courtesy ofDiane N. Ennis / Shutterstock
diving
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